The Machine - Blu-ray Review

[Michael Scott]

The Machine



Movie:
Video:
Audio:
Extras:
Final Score:



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Movie
Most stand up comedians have a couple of bits that everyone knows them for. Or at the very least they have that one skit that is so well known that pretty much everyone can quote it. For others it’s their only notable skit that ever gets noticed. Which is pretty much the case here for Bert Kreischer. Bert rose to fame a few years back for being a drunken party boy comedian whose claim to fame was being affable and bluntly honest (as much as a comedian can be). He’s not a terribly funny man, but his over the top personality and connections to much more skilled comedians has made him a powerhouse in the stand up realm. It’s sort of mind boggling if you think about it, but he’s some how punching way above his weight class in the comedy market (which, if you take a look at his waist line, is a fairly big punch), but his one truly funny skit (which is pretty much beaten to death in all of specials) is the infamous legend of “The Machine”, which chronicles the time in college where he supposedly went to Russia and got mixed up in the Russian Mob. The skit is actually pretty hilarious, and his crème de la crème in regards to his career.

Sadly, Bert’s career has started to fail a bit, with his personal life taking a dramatic turn south (his drinking seems to have been his downfall), his comedy shows relegated to podcasts, so naturally the powers that be decide to make a movie about the legend of “The Machine” like they always do. Whether that’s a good or a bad move highly depends on the final content, and sadly this just so happens to be one of the movies of all time. It’s a movie where the actors are acting and the plot is there. The dialog is spoken, and this will go down as one of the movies of all time.

Sooooooo, the film seems to have borrowed from real life, showing Bert Kreischer (playing himself) in therapy for all of the pain and suffering he’s caused his family. His comedy career is starting to slip, and even his own daughter Sasha hates him (as most teenage girls do). Nobody believes him about the story of “The Machine” and think it’s just a comedy bit, but his past is about to come from the past and bite him in the butt. During his daughter’s sweet sixteen party Bert is visited by two living nightmares. The first comes in the form of his overly critical father Albert (Mark Hamill) and the second is Erina (Iva Babic), the daughter of one of the men he robbed from in his famous story. Turns out that her father became one of the largest Russian mobsters to ever live, and now that he knows who Bert is, has sent his family after him in order to find a family heirloom that was taken during the train heist portion of “The Machine” story.

So what do you do? You of course go to Russia and try to track down the watch that you stole 25 years ago when black out drunk. Maybe pickup a few chicks along the way. Shoot a Russian gangster (who happened to be Irina’s brother), find his buddy from the train, have a heart to heart with your old man along the way, and get in a fight with ANOTHER Russian mobster John Wick style.

UGGGGGG. I really like the tale of “The Machine” from Bert’s original comedy special, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY, asked for this movie. It’s not as bad as Sacha Baron Cohen’s The Brothers Grimsby, but it’s not that far off either. The entire movie is what happens to SNL skits that get turned into movies. They are over stuffed for the material given, always about 30 minutes too long, and the humor of a short skit is stretched sooooooo amazingly thin that you can almost look through it. Bert tries his best but is basically his stage persona in film. Over the top, affable, but ultimately nothing special. Mark Hamill does a decent job as the old man, but he’s not given a whole lot to work with, and ends up feeling like a drunken version of Luke Skywalker on craggy island. Just without drinking green milk and trying to kill his nephew. The rest is just… well, it’s totally forgettable and bland.




Rating:

Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, drug use and some sexual references




Video:

The 2.39:1 AVC encoded Blu-ray looks superb in 1080p. It’s definitely a digital production and shines with a very natural look that relies on bright honey colored tones for the in the states portion, and a more subdued and darkened tone for Mother Russia. Colors really pop off the screen (check out the red molding on the train door when Irina gets pushed out) with impeccable facial details and strong contrast. I did notice a few moments of banding, but other than that (well, and some very minor soft looking scenes that were most likely meant to be dreamlike during the flashbacks) this is a great looking disc.









Audio:

Right on par with the video, Sony delivers a very mighty and powerful sounding 5.1 DTS-HD MA track to enjoy. There’s plenty of comedic dialog for the first half, with very little surround usage, but when the crew gets on board the train in Russia, things get WILD fast. The roaring blast of the train rattling over tracks, the screams and yells of drunk Russians, not to mention the bassy blasts of gunfire during the shootouts all make for a really immersive and aggressive mix. The low end literally punches you in the chest during said shootouts and there is a wonderful sense of immersion and maneuverability in the surrounds during those moments. As said, it can be very dialog heavy in parts which limits surround and bass usage, but when things light off, they REALLY light off.












Extras:

• Bert's Big Bash – Premiere Party
• Bert, Bruised & Brawlin': The Action of The Machine
• Outtakes & Bloopers
• Deleted Scenes
• The Making of The Machine
• The Cast of The Machine

Final Score: ​

The Machine is simply a chance for Bert Kreischer to bring his on stage persona to the big screen, and in some ways it translates, and other ways it doesn’t. Personally I feel that “The Machine” is best as a 5 minute skit in a stand up special. The second they chose to extend it to a near 2 hours movie it went down the same path that so many other skits to films have suffered from. It’s fun in spots, completely bland and boring for the other 95% of the time. The Blu-ray itself looks and sounds good though, so a fan of Kreischer will certainly enjoy the experience, otherwise, I’d just skip it.


Technical Specifications:

Starring: Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Jimmy Tatro, Iva Babic
Directed by: Peter Atencio
Written by: Bert Kreischer, Kevin Biegel, Sotty Landes
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1 AVC
Audio: English: DTS-HD MA 5.1
Subtitles: English SDH
Studio: Sony Pictures
Rated: R
Runtime: 112 minutes
Blu-Ray Release Date: August 15th, 2023

Recommendation: Skip It